| Another Dream |
[22 Oct 2005|12:32pm] |
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mood |
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 bitchy |
] |
So, I had yet another dream about "hell", this one was a bit different from my previous one. This one wasn't as... depressing.
I died, details unclear. In this dream, hell was more like a city, a community if you will. There were normal people... normal "places", similiar to the world we live in now. Although, there were a few differences. Bad things were SUPPOSED to happen here. Think of your worst enemy and multiply that one person into 100 people (obviously no one really has 100 worst enemies, besides bush maybe)
Imagine yourself in a room with them, and you feel absolutely obligued to be rude and a just plain terrible person. That was a bit like everyone in my dream was feeling.
There was a pathway at the end of this city, but the path just had this foul water rushing over it, littered with garbage and disease and whatnot. It was somehow supposed to be our path to Heaven but we couldn't cross.
Another similiarity to my other dream, there were people dying, of coarse in this one they were dying at the hands of other people. They didn't actually "die" though, they were just in great pain, if that makes sense.
So, enough about the background, here comes the actual dream (at least all that I can recall at the moment).
I was still able to go to the world we live in now, no one could see me or hear
me though, no one knew I was there. I was trying to find a way to leave messages to someone, I can't really recall who, just someone that I'm close to. I wasn't exactly allowed into the real world, but I had some kind of fairy godmother(poor reference) helping me along. In our hell, everyone was mean and nasty to eachother. I felt compelled to be nice to everyone around me, and help them find good. After a while of communicating to the living world(I don't exactly know why), and being good-hearted, the pathway of dirty water started to clear. It was now more of a sparkling stream, and everyone was happy about this. Their way to heaven had been cleared. Everyone sort of gathered around the path and walked across. It was a pretty good feeling when I woke up.
All in all, I'd say this dream was very positive even though I couldn't explain it well.
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| Dream |
[25 Aug 2005|02:41pm] |
I wrote my dream out -
A flying statue was built, and it hovered above the mast of a grand ship. The statue was made of stone, and had huge wings. It was in the form of a man/beast.
It was the ships maiden voyage, some were hesitant about boarding the ship, somehow people knew better than to get on. The ship set sail.
Everything was well, until a small red creature unlike anything ever seen was spotted at the stern. The creature was bright red, though bird-like, it had scales as though it was a lizard, and in it's yellow beak contained rows of razor-sharp teeth. It began to chew holes in the bottom of the vessel, and in the chaos, the ship blew off course. The ship was ripped apart by the crashing waves, and it sank. The statue crumbled and fell. The wise people who chose not to board, watched on the shores as the last stone fell into the sea. No survivors.
Yes, I was on the ship when it sank, and I was sent to another world when I died. It was a swampy wasteland, as far as the eye could see. This world was parallel to my own, the same ocean, the same shore. Yet they weren't the same, my blue sky had turned grey, my golden shores fading to white, my crystal clear ocean was nothing more now than a murky brown puddle, but clear enough to see the bottom, littered with dirt and remains of those who had died.
The pool reached only up to the knees, forcing me to wade through the remains of death. My legs began to fail me, I soon was crawling on my hands and knees among the dead. I saw figures as I made my way closer toward the shore. There were others, like me, crawling toward the shore. Trying to make their way to safety, or sanity, as was I.
I had finally reached the shore of my parallel island, this island was not lushly green, it had no vegetation. Instead, in the center of this small island was a dark mountain filled with fire.
There were ordinary people, standing on the shore, looking out to the horizon, not noticing those wailing for help who had crawled to the island. There were also others, crying to help those who washed ashore, they were held back by those who knew better. I remembered sailing off on our ship, those who stayed behind had the same expression as those who chose not to assist the needy.
There were barriers, those trying to reach land were unable, either by the invisible barrier or by the barrier of dozens of scattered lifeless bodies. I climbed onto a floating dam of the lifeless and I howled, hoping someone would take notice, I wanted to be saved.
A man I had never seen, came to me, weeping to save me, while a woman pulled him back to her side. He was reluctant until a child sized creature appeared, it snarled and sent them running away. I knew I did not want to come in contact with this creature. I stayed still, knowing the creature could not pass the unknown wall between us, I was wrong. The monster came towards me, I tried to run, but I was unable, my legs did not work in this place. I crawled as fast as I could, among the rubble strewn across the ocean floor. My knees and hands began to bleed as I trudged across the ground, trying to escape from this hideous beast that chased me.
My enemy had caught up with me, taking my leg in its mouth, it gnawed on my flesh. I screamed out in pain as I proceeded my attempt to flee. The ground began to move beneath me, I looked below and saw their faces, the faces of the abandoned ones. Their arms tried to hold me down as the small beast feasted on my body, their teeth pierced my skin, bleeding me dry. I felt my body slow, I shrieked until my throat was raw, I felt my lifeforce being drained from me.
I began to pity myself as I realized I should have died, and that I was unable to do so. I lay whimpering at the bottom of the sea, as this world consumed me whole.
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| FUCK |
[03 Jul 2005|03:53am] |
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mood |
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 crushed |
] |
Why does everyone need MY help? I have my own problems. I am so tired of being. Just being.
Aside from that...
Girls, they really don't know what they want, don't bother asking them what they want, because they don't know. When it comes to guys, they are the most clueless.
Sensative guys, are too sensative, they whine about their feelings and insecurities and their problems, the sensative ones are worse than a PMS'ing bitch. Then, the ones who aren't sensative, that's pretty much self explainatory. Men need to be more.. accessible, and easier to dispose of.
I'll take a custard filled donut for lunch, I'll skip the dinner, and I'll go for a midnight snack- that's how men should be.
Quotes from Skye Masterson - Guys and Dolls(one of my all time favorite movies) :
"Dolls Are just something to have around when they come in handy, like cough drops"
"Figured weight for age, all dolls are the same. There's only one class, indivisble, and interchangable, a doll is a doll, all dolls, any doll."
However, Skye falls in love so, what his word good for anyway right?
Yea, so ... I'm done with my rant.
Batman Begins-
It was fabulous, I've seen all the batman movies, and I have to say, this one is by far the best. The female star opposite batman could have been better (I don't much prefer katie holmes, actually, I hate her), but it was awesome overall. Yea.
I actually have this.. batman fetish thing. I know, it's crazy.
Ok, I'm going to bed.
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| Here I Am |
[15 Jun 2005|03:58pm] |
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music |
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Windows Media Player |
] |
Ok, so I'm doing a bit better lately. I might have just been irritable from being sick for so long, oh well. Now I'm irritable because of the monthlies lol, if it's not one thing it's another, isn't that right? :)
LAST FUCKING DAY OF SCHOOL WAS TODAY
YES YES YES YES
YES YES YES YES
I am pretty happy about that lol, we had a picnic outside at school and it was really fun, I'm glad I came today.
Here's to Stinkin' Kevin! Goodnight.
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| woah |
[08 Jun 2005|09:16pm] |
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mood |
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 annoyed |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Holding out for a Hero |
] |
OK, so I'm incredibly dizzy right now. I feel like I've been spinning around in a chair and I just suddenly stopped. It just doesn't end. I don't know what's wrong with me, we think it might be withdrawal because I stopped taking my paxil one day and I didn't tell anyone because I didn't think it would be a big deal. I guess I can take one and see if it helps any. This is going to suck if it is the paxil, seeing as how I don't need it during the summer since nothing of any relevence happens. I always have the worst time trying to get off my medications :\ Woo.
So, hopefully, we're going to Chelan this summer(Sweet!)
It's been rainy and cold all month so far so I'm actually kind of glad we'll be going somewhere warm, which is weird for me since I usually like the colder areas. Steve left for vacation today, fuck him. I can't believe I have to go over there everyday to check on his animals. NO I DON'T WANT TO TAKE THE FUCKING CAT HOME WITH ME. We've got 3 damn cats that hate eachother as it is. I can't believe he would do something so stupid as to get another cat who is FEMALE when they have 3 male cats over there and let their cats outside. If I know Steve, the second they spay that cat it's going to go running off and die somewhere, I can't believe how irresponsible he is.
Other than that... I am in love with the Shrek 2 Soundtrack and I am downloading all the songs I can from that movie :P It takes so long though, I can only get a couple cause dial-up blows. Maybe I'll go buy it or something.
I'm tired now. I'm going to finish downloading and maybe hit the sack.
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| GOSH |
[07 Jun 2005|09:13pm] |
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mood |
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 depressed |
] |
I FUCKING HATE HIM.
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| BORED |
[07 Jun 2005|12:03pm] |
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mood |
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 cold |
] |
I'm at school, very bored.
Ok, it's not "freezing" outside or anything but I should not have to wear a SCARF in JUNE. This is ridiculous. lol
It should be sunny and happy and the flowers should be singing and shit like that. Here we are freezin our nubs off.
I want to go swimming already :\
Oh well. Only another week of school left. Hallelujah.
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[07 Jun 2005|12:14am] |
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mood |
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depressed |
] |
| [ |
music |
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NIN - Something I Can Never Have |
] |
"In this place it seems like such a shame, though it all looks different now, I know it's still the same.
Everywhere I look, you're all I see, just a fading fucking reminder of who I used to be.
You make this all go away.
I just want something I can never have."
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| New Picture |
[28 May 2005|11:04pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 cranky |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Snow Patrol - Run |
] |
I took pictures
I finally dyed my hair black.
I've been so bored lately, no one to talk to. :(
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| Have you ever... |
[22 May 2005|11:37pm] |
Have you ever searched for something your entire life, and one day you realize, that it's been there, all this time, and you just never noticed?
I have, today. Thank you God.
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| TUNA |
[26 Apr 2005|09:36pm] |
OMG LIEK TUNA IS SOO FRIKKIN GOOD OMG.
I WUNT JAYSUN 2 UPDAYTE HIS JURNIL,
HE SAS I HAV 2 UPDAITE MI JURNIL SO I ARE UPDAITING IT RITE NOW. I HUPE HE LEIKS EET CUZ I MAID IT JUZT 4 HIM. BIBI JAYSUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1112@ POZT IN YUR JURNIL OKZ???
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[07 Apr 2005|01:32am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 tired |
] |
| [ |
music |
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A Perfect Circle - Over |
] |
Har Har Har!!!
Your Seduction Style: The Natural |
You don't really try to seduce people... it just seems to happen.
Fun loving and free spirited, you bring out the inner child in people.
You are spontaneous, sincere, and unpretentious - a hard combo to find!
People drop their guard around you, and find themselves falling fast. |
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| Survey |
[09 Mar 2005|08:19pm] |
| [ |
music |
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Pink Floyd - Welcome to the Machine |
] |
1. what is your full name? Aletha
2. what color pants are you wearing? Dark green
3. what are you listening to right now? Pink Floyd
4. what's the last thing you ate? Mashed Potatoes
5. do you wish on stars? Literally? A shooting star, when I see one :)
6. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? White; no use for me.
7. How is the weather right now? Cloudy
8. Last person you talked to on the phone? Steve
9. Do you like the person who sent you this? yea
10. How old are you today? 17
11. Favorite drink? roy rogers
12. Favorite sport? I don't really play sports, volley ball is ok once in a while
13. Hair color? red
14. Do you wear contacts? no
15. Siblings? 1 sister
16. Favorite month? I like june.. and december.
17. Favorite food? Spinach Ravioli with ragu sauce and garlic flavored red wine vinegar...
18. Last movie you watched? Maybe.. guys and dolls?
19. Favorite day of the year? maybe... dec 25th :P
20.What do you do to vent anger? I don't get angry very often, but when I do I try and sleep it off.
21. Summer or winter? Fall.. but I guess if I had to pick, summer.
22. Hugs or Kisses? hugs
23. Chocolate or Vanilla? Chocolate
24.Do you want your friends to email their response to this? no
25.Who is most likely to respond? no one
26.Who is most likely not to respond? everyone
27.Who do you most want to respond? no one comes to mind
28.What are your living arrangements? In a house
29.When was the last time you cried? I don't remember, recently most likely.
30.What is under your bed? Boxes full of useless junk.
31.Who is the friend you have had the longest? Lila, I have been friends with her since 6th grade(1998-1999).
32.What did you do last night? Talked to jason
34. What inspires you? music, art, the beauty of nature
35. What are you afraid of? not knowing the future
36. Popcorn, plain buttered or salted? buttery and salty..mmm
37. Favorite car? wow um.. I like mustangs..
38. Your favorite flower? Dragon Mouth Orchid
39 Number of keys: 3
40.Can you juggle? I'm very bad at it :P
41. Favorite day of the week? Saturday
42.What did you do on your last birthday? I think I went out to dinner and had a lot of sex.
43.How many states have you lived in? 1
44.How many cities or towns have you lived in? 2
45.How many countries have you lived in? 1
46.How many cars have you had, and what were they? My first car, a 01 dodge neon...It's my only car I've had so far.
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[27 Feb 2005|12:33am] |
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mood |
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crushed |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Sarah McLachlan - Do What You Have to Do |
] |
"Glowing embers, burning hot and burning slow.
Deep within I'm shaken by the violence of existing for only you.
I know I can't be with you, I'll do what I have to do."
I'm hurting so bad. This is all just one big puzzle for me, and I'm missing some pieces, I don't feel complete as a person.
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[25 Feb 2005|10:14pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 okay |
] |
Well, today was alright.
I slept in until 1, didn't go to school.
Steve said Laura came to school so I'm actually mad at myself for not going, I haven't seen Laura in ages. (Laura was an awesome teacher I had for a couple years)
So, I got ready and went to my doctors appointment, and I got another months supply of paxil, my dose was doubled because it didn't work as well the first time we tried. If it doesn't work this time... I don't know what I'll do. I could start taking world history again if it works, I'd like that very much :)
That's about it for this entry.
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| Quiz |
[22 Feb 2005|07:01pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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okay |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Fallen Innocence - Affliction (W2AM FM Tree Radio - Burn Baby Burn~) |
] |
| You scored as Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder. Congratulations! You are obsessive-compulsive! You know nothing curbs images of mutilating your mother like a good counting/checking/washing ritual... wait, DID you forget to turn off the stove???
Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder | | 67% | Unipolar Depression | | 50% | Borderline Personality Disorder | | 25% | Antisocial Personality Disorder | | 17% | Eating Disorders | | 0% | Schizophrenia | | 0% | </td>
Which mental disorder do you have?
created with QuizFarm.com |
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[22 Feb 2005|01:13am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 lonely |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Nine Inch Nails - We're in This Together |
] |
"you and me
we're in this together now
none of them can stop us now
we will make it through somehow
you and me
if the world should break in two
until the very end of me
until the very end of you"
I'm kind of in a strange mood right now.
A sentimental lonely mood.
Truth be told, I feel like an enkar.. probably just not as wise.
I feel alone, and empty. There's this place, I feel I need to be, I don't know where it is, or who it's with. I feel lost.
I feel there's something more for me here in this life, and I don't know where to start. Like there's something valuable inside myself, and I'm searching for it. There's a void I'm trying to fill, I don't know how to fill it, I don't even know what's missing, but I can feel it. Something is missing.
I wish I knew what.
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| Love |
[15 Feb 2005|10:30pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 amused |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Artist - Track 03 |
] |
Love is like being a baby seal, someone comes from miles away to see you, and then just ends up clubbing you to death.
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